I got lost.
I was waiting.
Waiting for you.
I waited.
And waited.
No one came along.
No one came.
You didn't come.
You promised you'd come.
You didn't.
Liar.
Pity.
Self-pity.
Wallowing in my self-pity.
I brushed off this waking dream.
I got up and searched.
Searched for you.
Up and down.
Left and right.
Back and forth.
Leaving no stone unturned.
Never did i find you.
No single trace.
Silently i wept.
I thought of all the memories with you.
The unfounded dreams.
The empty promises.
The times i missed you.
I sighed.
Wondering off.
I got lost.
Pondering.
About us.
The more i thought the harder i grew.
Sorrow and despise ran freely in me.
What went wrong?
Weeks breeze away.
Months go by.
Seasons change and pass.
Perhaps, all this while.
I was the one at fault?
Paving my way.
I thought to myself.
I'm starting to miss you more.
Why?
I don't know.
I just do.
I miss you.
Where are you now?
Please don't hide.
I know it's my fault.
Please forgive.
And maybe forget too.
Laugh if you want to.
Laugh.
But, still.
Please come and look for me.
I'm lost.
What do you like?
I haven't really blogged a proper entry this week. Why? I'm not shure. I don't feel like writing or maybe i have the writer's block. Brr. Whatever it is, i'd like to ask if you prefer reading proper "diary-entry" type of blogs or would you prefer reading scribbles of random feelings and notions? I'm tied over which to write. Brr. Anyways, I need to run along soon. Tuition's soon. Goodbye for now world.
Looking for : Nothing, really.
Listening to : Superman - five for fighting
Salvation.
Nausea.
Ostracism.
Duress.
That's what you get when you have flu.
Terrible terrible flu.
Your head spins around and reality blurs.
Images form.
Wishful thinking.
Guilt.
Heartache.
Pain.
No.
This has nothing to do with you.
It's different.
It's just this flu.
This terrible flu.
I can't think proper with this on.
Sneezing fits.
Cosmic coughs.
Parched throat.
Empty ears.
I can't hear anything.
Deaf.
Deaf.
The crows screech.
The pastor preachs.
Leave me a shell.
An empty me.
Null of feelings.
Just a cover.
An image of a former me.
The walls tear.
Souls wander,
Lost.
Where is salvation for them?
Not more spam, please.
Emptiness.
Void.
Darkness.
Space.
Empty space.
My muse.
Thank God for her.
She takes the memories away.
For awhile.
And fills the heart with feelings lost.
Feelings.
No more sad.
No more anguish.
No more hate.
No more misses.
No more recognition.
No more.
No more.
Just for awhile.
Please.
Get out of my life.
Get your own.
Wallow.
Wallow in your self-pity.
Ponder.
Ponder your own thoughts.
Don't mess around with mine.
You made me promises unkept.
Loathe.
Disgust.
And more laughter.
Laughter
I can't think properly.
Everything's in a mess.
Like one huge ball of monkey crap.
So many thoughts all at the same time.
I think i might crack soon.
Need help.
Argh.
Feel like cursing aloud.
But i can't.
Stupid brain of mine can't equate anything.
Keeps on forgetting important words.
Damn.
My world is crashing down.
Where is my muse now?
I need her.
I can't think straight.
Argh.
Where are you?
Come back you little sneak.
Words fail me.
Words flood me.
Don't hide from me.
You promised me.
You promised.
You promised.
Pain.
Betrayal.
Disgust.
Hate.
Spite.
Anger.
Lonelyness.
All alone.
No tears.
No hurt.
No pain.
Just laughter.
Laughter.
Can't control this rush of thoughts.
Ahhh.
So tired.
I'm being winded up and unwinded too quickly.
Stretch out.
Relax.
Stretch out.
Relax.
Ahhh.
Whew.
I'm like a giant pair of diapers all used and stretched.
Smells too.
But not like i do anways.
I'm sick of writing for now. Maybe i'll blog 3 or 2 times every week from now. Woo. Damn. Lethargic. Sigh. So many things happened to day i don't feel like elaborating alot. But i'll run through it. In point form.
* Had breakfast with cousins instead cause stefanie went jogging with her friend.
* Snuck in a "16 year-olds only" lan shop and played for an hour.
* Some church girl got my number and said "I found your number in my phone.". I don't know her i think. Carina's her name. Wierd.
* Went to zac l.'s house to slack around and left samuel, zac c. and david to go to sherlyn's house to watch "Around the world in 80 days.".
* Had lunch at compass point with abriel, anthony, macrina, marcus and benjamin.
* I went cycling.
* Pondered about many things.
* Pondered somemore.
* Had a smashing dinner.
* And now i'm blogging.
And now.
Read this email i received :
A girl and guy were speeding over
100 mph on the road...
Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on
yourself? It's bugging me.
(In the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because
of break failure. 2 people were on it, but only
1 survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the
guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't
want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her
say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time,
then had her wear his helmet so that she would
live even though it meant that he would die.
Really makes you think doesn't it?
Would you do that for someone you love?
I know i would.
Listening to : National day rally speech.
Looking for : Someone like rachel.
An unexpected act of kindness.
Okay.
Here's my compo.
The title is, an unexpected act of kindness.
Whatever you think of it, paste your thoughts on the flooble box?
Hahas.
Thanks.
Here goes nothing :
The bus ground to a halt, bits of ashen gravel from the road flew onto the pavement. The bus doors flung open revealing a dark-haired boy of about 15 years of age draped in heavy winter clothing. Michel stepped out from the comforting warmth of the bus and out into the chilly December air. With a dull clank, the mechanical plastic doors closed shut behind him. The purple-coloured bus roared off for its next destination.
Michel stood by the pavement, dazed. His eyes adjusted to the familiar surroundings, tall pine trees and the frosted mulberry bushes. He removed his right glove and touched his cheek. Warmth. "I must get home before mother gets worried,"he thought. "And before supper gets cold too,"Michel thought again. Michel trudged on the dusty grey path surrounded by the parched white skeletons of great white oaks. The cold air stung his face. It was a good ten minute walk back home from this stop. He could have alighted from the bus at the next stop which was nearer to his house as mother always reminded him, but he just adored the white oaks which hung over the pavement. It had a sort of sense of nostalgia there. Except for an occasional bus or automobile, silence enveloped him.
Just then, as Michel felt his back pocket for his wallet, he realised that it was missing. He frantically turned back and faced the bus stop. "I must have left the damned thing on the bus!"he thought. "What would mother say? She just gave me my allowance!". He sighed.
"Well, I suppose there's nothing i can do now, can i?"Michel said out loudly, as if as he gave up.
His head hung low as he continued on with his journey, "At least, there'll be some hot cocoa at home,"Michel thought dejectedly.
When Michel was almost home, the sacred silence broke. A lone figure appeared in the distance dashing towards him. "Michel! Michel!"a somewhat familiar voice called up to him. Michel squinted his eyes and saw his neighbour and schoolmate, Rachel. "What does she want?"he thought. He waved and called out "I'm here!". Rachel's light footsteps drew closer.
She stopped in front of Michel, panting.
"Michel,"she started off, "You left something on the bus.".
Rachel handed over a brown leather wallet to Michel. Michel's eyes widened in amazement.
"You dropped off a stop after me and ran to pass me my wallet? It's cold out here you know. You could have waited until school tomorrow."he said.
Rachel looked meekly at him. Her long brown hair and crystal blue eyes gave her an innocent look.
"Well... Would you care for some cocoa at my place?"he said smiling. "With marshmallows too,"he added. Rachel smiled at him.
"I would love to."she said with a shy smile.
Yup.
That's it.
Tell me what you think of it?
Listening to : I'll be there for you (The friends theme song.) - the rembrants
Looking for : Rachel? Hahas. Nah.
